


the one where peter can't cry - but everyone else can

by captainstarspangled



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Cancer, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Men Crying, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Steve Rogers, Thor Needs a Hug (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:40:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29906082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainstarspangled/pseuds/captainstarspangled
Summary: against popular belief, peter is a tough kid. so tough in fact that he doesn't even shed a tear when may is diagnosed with terminal cancer.he is good at comforting his adult team mates though.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker
Comments: 21
Kudos: 90





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i thought i'd turn the tables a little and make peter the comforter for once :)

aunt may was diagnosed with a stage four brain tumour shortly after peter had started thinking of tony as his mentor. 

the teenager was a tough cookie, he simply continued to live how it had been for as long as he could while may was being treated and her health was declining rapidly. 

that mask lasted for about two months before peter had to ask for help. the 16-year-old didn’t shed a single tear telling tony about his fate, even with the fact that may wouldn’t survive floating above his head and that he’d have to move into the tower because they were no longer able to afford the apartment on no disposable income. 

so two months after may’s diagnosis, she had been permanently moved to intensive care, peter had moved in with all the avengers and tony’s lawyer had taken care of what would happen in a worst case scenario. 

the avengers treated peter like expensive china; they thought he would crack any second and while no one could blame him, they wanted peter to come to terms with it on his own time.   
the teenager went to school like normal, got good grades, went on patrol and was as sociable as one could be. 

clint enjoyed having a kid around again. it’d been months since he’d seen his own kids. lila would always send him videos of the progress she was making with the bow. 

on her birthday, clint went to the gym on the very top floor and before he started, he facetimed his not-so-little girl to wish her a happy birthday and to catch up in general. 

now clint really wasn’t much of a crier, but it was different when things were concerning his kids. and seeing lila cry on her birthday because she missed her dad so much sure got the assassin going. 

he was ruffling his hair at the back of his head while tears were flowing down his cheeks when peter entered the gym after coming home from school. 

“hey mr. barton,” peter said softly upon hearing the archer sniffle and seeing him sit very crumpled on the floor by the window. 

clint wiped one of his cheeks before turning around, realizing that no one could fool the kid with the highest senses out there. “hey champ.”

the teenager’s expression hardened for a split second before softening all up again. “are you okay?”

clint nodded in response and wiped his tears some more, then decided to let it be. peter had caught him, so what was there to deny. “it’s lila’s birthday,” he explained. “i was going to drop this bow off but-“

talking about it made clint’s heart ache worse and peter already knew about the mission later that night anyways. 

the bow would’ve been a second hand one from hawkeye himself. “every year i’d teach her to shoot a bigger one.”

peter sat down next to clint because there wasn’t much to say and clint really appreciated that. no playing it down, no talking it up; just being physically there was all peter did and clint found that very mature of the boy. 

“if it helps,” peter said after a few moments when clint seemed a little bit more relaxed. “you can teach me. i’ve always wanted to shoot a bow and i’m free until tonight. no pressure though.” 

clint smiled. peter was so considerate. “that would be good,” the archer said and got up. his face was still a bit wet when he guided peter over to where he stood trying out new bows within a good distance from the mannequin across the room. he wiped his face before handing peter the bow. 

peter liked clint placing his arms around his in order to show him how to hold the bow. he also liked when the archer took his big hand to his stomach to turn him a little and have him straighten his back. it felt like uncle ben was showing him how to do this and it was therapeutic for the teenager. by that time, clint had also stopped crying. 

peter’s first few shots went around the mannequin, but clint kept mentioning his good posture and that he was doing great. 

for a mere hour, peter was busy learning how to shoot an arrow and by then, clint was all but back in his old funny mood. 

when they were done with the session, clint and peter walked back to the elevator together.   
“hey kid listen, would you maybe not…” the man stopped himself, figuring peter knew where he was going. 

“don’t worry mr. barton, i’m not going to tell anyone,” peter assured with a genuine smile and so softly a weight was lifted off of clint’s chest. the kid hadn’t said a single word of judgement, or even anything about the predicament he’d caught clint in and the archer considered him so mature for that, it felt like steve had been there. 

“thank you. by the way, you can still call me clint. we’re one team you know.” peter knew that, technically, but it was still a weird step from calling each and every adult by their last name to being considered one of them, and it took some adjusting. 

the encounter between the two seemed to set something free between day. peter was such a good kid, and he began to trust clint with his feelings about his aunt’s possible passing, asked him to drive him to or pick him up from the hospital when he was too sad to take public transport. 

clint would have expected peter to be more sad than he actually was. the kid could tell him that his aunt had told him he was a spoilt brat (from angry spells due to the tumour) without batting an eye, and the father of three wasn’t entirely sure if peter was strong or if he was just really bad at dealing with his feelings. he would be there for the kid either way.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wanda and peter bloom in their budding friendship.

the school year was coming to a halt and peter couldn’t wait to be able to see his aunt more and to spend his summer with the avengers. how exciting it must be to do the hero thing full time. 

the whole ultron fiasco happened a few days before peter’s spring break that sophomore year, and wanda moved into the tower a few weeks after peter had. peter was the only person whom wanda didn’t infiltrate back at the hydra base; seeing all the pain and sadness in the boy’s mind was enough to convince her she couldn’t make things worse. 

she and peter had a special bond after her change to the good side; they were within one year from another and shared much of the same family trauma, given the fact that pietro had passed away not long before and aunt may’s life was hanging in threads. wanda was astounded at how positive and kind peter was with all he’d suffered through. she was a bit jealous of the kid though; everyone treated him so nicely and like a protegee, and her they treated like the murderer she was, to some extent. 

after peter’s last final of the school year, he took the subway home and rode up to wanda’s floor. that was another thing; wanda had gotten a whole floor like one of the adults while peter got to live in a room in mr. stark’s apartment, a man he adored. it seemed to the girl that the avengers were all but scared of her, and she couldn’t really blame them. 

peter came walking through the elevator doors and headed directly for wanda’s bedroom for he heard shuffling coming from that direction. 

peter stood in the door for a second before saying “hey” and expanding the word for an eternity. 

wanda had her right knee pulled up and her head planted on there as she sat on the edge of her bed while looking out at the buildings of manhattan. 

if it weren’t for peter standing there, wanda would’ve told the person to leave. but peter was empathetic, and he cared and he knew what she was going through. 

“hi peter, come in,” she said with a slight turn, then padded the spot to her left. her cheeks were wet and she was crying softly, peter noted. 

peter sat down next to her. he didn’t suggest he could leave because she clearly wanted him here. “rough day?” he asked instead and wanda nodded before she leaned into his side, and he slowly placed his arm around her shoulder. 

“you could say that,” wanda chuckled. “rough life.”

“i know,” peter hummed. “things aren’t easy these days.” the boy spoke so softly and considerate that wanda couldn’t help but feel a little better. it reminded her of pietro. 

he wasn’t pushing on her this positive attitude of seeing the best in things, or playing things down to it would be okay. he didn’t say to her that her brother had maybe died because she was a bad person or that it had been months since he passed and she should learn to live with it. no, peter wasn’t like that and feeling inside his head showed her he had a good heart. 

they sat like that for a bit while wanda worked on her grief. it was unspoken that peter would be there for her if she needed anything. that she could come to him whenever she needed something like this again. and she was sure she would. she knew he didn’t cry; she had overheard steve and tony worry about him back when she didn’t know the kid next to her yet.

“why did you come up here?” wanda said when she sat up and used her sleeves to wipe her face clean. 

“i wanted to ask if you would come with me to staten island to have an end of finals ice cream. i used to do it with may,” peter said nervously. and because he worried about wanda, but he couldn’t tell her that. 

“of course,” wanda said with a smile. “but didn’t you mean to visit her at the hospital today?”  
peter stared into his lap. “i’ve been scared to go, especially alone.” he sighed and looked into wanda’s eyes. “the tumor is growing fast, it has expanded into her frontal lobe and she’s been evil to me. it messes with my mind.” no tears. peter was strong. 

“maybe i can fix that for a bit, i’ll come with you,” wanda said and peter could have kissed her for being so thankful. 

“what do you want here?” may asked peter and wanda when they entered her private hospital room paid for by tony. 

“hey may, this is my friend wanda,” peter said softly and it broke wanda’s heart to see him so scared; he was shaking. 

may mumbled something along the lines of “whatever” and put a disgusted look on her face. and so wanda stepped in and may was back to looking loving within a split second. 

“peter,” may said and opened her arms. the boy jumped into them upon wanda’s assuring nod. 

“hey may, i had my last final,” peter said softly and kissed the top of may’s bald head. he’d brought her a new knit hat and flowers, and she thanked him many, many times for them. 

they sat for a few minutes with may while peter relaxed around his aunt and got to tell her how things had been. may was almost done with her second round of chemo, there was not much hope if this one didn’t work. 

so yeah, a lot of healing on peter’s side happened that afternoon. controlling may’s mind like that was hard for wanda, but she loved helping her friend and seeing him come out of a pit of quiet. 

the two walked out of the hospital with a satisfied smile on their faces. and they got to enjoy staten island with a newly heart.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thor shares how him and loki used to find comfort in each other.

the tower was quiet during the summer time. clint, natasha and wanda went on a month’s long vision at the beginning of peter’s break and bruce was teaching a summer course at mit.

peter enjoyed the quality time with thor, steve, bucky and tony. 

at dinner time one particular night, the five of them got to talking about upbringing and their parents. thor told stories of what it was like to be raised by a king and a queen, and peter loved how much the god adored his mother, honoring her even after she’d passed away three years back. this spiked talk about all of the mothers in the circle and the teenager loved how everyone felt the same way about their mothers. he was the only one however who noticed thor’s attitude shift to quiet and reserved. 

peter himself didn’t have much to say about his mother; he hadn’t known her. the group dwelled in memories of their past while peter watched them all closely before deciding he’d be the one to do the cleaning that night. 

and so he did, and while steve, bucky and tony enjoyed their dessert beers in the lounging area of tony’s apartment, peter noticed thor going outside on the balcony without saying a word. 

the teenager finished up quickly and joined the god in sitting down around the little table. 

“your mother must have been intimidating,” peter said with a soft smile and a glance to his left. 

“she could be,” thor said with a chuckle. “but she spoke soft and wisely and that made her more respected than intimidating.” 

“i would have loved to know her,” peter said. he kind of wanted to talk about his family too, but this was thor’s moment and he got to decide what they were talking about. 

“i’m sure your aunt may is no less respectable,” thor said and peter smiled proudly. 

“you’re right. she pulled through so much. i couldn’t do it.” 

“i’m sure you could,” thor said like it was a normal compliment. “you have such a good heart. you’ve had it worse than all of us and you’re still so positive. you amaze me peter.”

peter shrugged his shoulders. “i think i have no other choice. i would have gone crazy by now if i let life get me down over everything.”

and suddenly, tears were falling down thor’s face and he was sniffling quietly. and he nodded at what peter had said but didn’t have an answer for him. 

peter sat quietly next to his friend. thor noticed how the kid didn’t seem uncomfortable at all and it astonished him. “it feels wrong to be this sad when i have you next to me.”

peter smiled at thor. “no problems are banal thor. it’s good to talk and feel sad.” the boy could have laughed at himself. he was the one who swallowed everything and by now it was so normal that he couldn’t do anything else. 

thor knew peter was a closed book so he diverted the attention back to himself. crying counted as a good thing on asgard, thor wasn’t ashamed in the slightest of his reaction to a very hearty conversation. 

“i used to ruffle my brother’s hair whenever either of us were upset. he’d lie his head in my lap and we’d look at the stars.” peter looked up into the sky and it was such a clear night that it was possible to see the stars even with light pollution. 

the teenager looked at thor, who in an open invitation uncrossed his legs and took his hand out of his lap. no pressure, it was up to peter. 

so the boy did lie down, softly placed his head in thor’s lap and pulled his knees up a little. 

peter relaxed into thor’s touch. “my uncle ben would let me lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat when things were rough at school. he passed away when i was nine and i knew without his comfort, grieving wouldn’t be worth it. it would lack any sort of catharsis,” peter admitted. the last time he had cried was shortly before his ninth birthday on which ben died in a tragic collision with a drunken driver. it was also the first time that peter mentioned school as a problem in front of an avenger. they knew he had a few good friends and figured since peter liked school, he couldn’t really have it that bad at midtown. 

“what is it like to grow up away from your caregivers for so many hours of the day?” peter was glad thor didn’t touch on his lack of emotional expression. thor hadn’t thought it appropriate.  
and so peter told thor about the school system that most people despised, and thor couldn’t hear enough stories of growing up poor in new york for his life had gone so differently. 

and thor taught peter about stars and the universe and the asgardian branch of physics that peter noticed wasn’t much different to earthly space physics. 

somewhere in between their talk, thor placed a large hand on peter’s chest, the one that wasn’t busy ruffling through his hair and peter felt a sting in his heart. he missed having physical comfort from a man. thor was so large peter could easily feel like he was eight years old again and philosophizing with ben. 

however, as peter always was with sad bliss, the situation made him happier than it made him sad, and he got to go to bed with a heart even lighter than it was after he got to talk to may clearly again. 

thor told tony about peter’s past with his uncle and his standpoint with emotions. and he was sure it wasn’t a traitor move, his motive was to help the kid because there was a tough time ahead of him. and the more tony knew, the more he could help his peter hurt and grieve and grow.


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sort of an interlude - how peter asks tony for help.

“mr. stark? can we schedule a meeting? there’s something i need to talk to you about.”

peter had been close to tony for a while but he was outstandingly nervous asking his mentor that question. he’d have to tell tony that he basically needed his help, or him and may would soon end up on the street. or that he’d have to drop out of school and start working full time.

he didn’t tell tony so that the billionaire could help him out, more so because he had to in order to quit being spiderman. but he knew that tony wouldn’t let him throw it all away, he just knew. 

peter was shaking the whole day at school before his meeting with tony at the stark tower. that night would change a lot. 

“hey kid,” tony said as he looked up from his computer when peter walked into the man’s office. the si floors of the tower were now like some sort of homeground to peter, like he was the actual kid of the big boss that everyone knew. 

“hi mr. stark,” peter said shyly, completely forgetting that tony had offered he call him by his first name. peter paced around, he wouldn’t be able to sit until it was out. 

“so, what do you need to tell me?” tony saw that peter was obviously distraught; the kid couldn’t stand still for a second. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner but aunt may she-“ peter stopped pacing and took a breath. tony wanted to say some dirty joke but was glad he didn’t when peter continued. “she was diagnosed with a brain tumour two months ago.”

tony took off his glasses, expecting the kid to cry, to scream, to react the slightest bit different than to just tell him calmly. so he stayed quiet. 

“she’s been in intensive care for a month now. our savings are shrinking and i’m afraid i might have to move out and drop my spiderman duties,” peter said calmly but now his heart rate was really picking up on speed. “i’m going to have to find a job, drop out of high school.”

“peter i-“

“i’m not here for charity. i’m here to quit, i can’t deal with these things otherwise and if she survives and her medical bills come in we have to be able to start from somewhere.”

tony got that. he really did. “peter,” tony said and motioned for the kid to sit down, which he finally did. “i want to help you. i’m the one who got you into this whole mess of avenging and you’re way too valuable to drop your place in the world just like that,” the billionaire explained. “i want to suggest for you to move in with me and the other avengers and once may has gone through treatment, we’ll find you guys a new place. but you shouldn’t be alone while she is down at a hospital getting chemo.”

peter looked at mr. stark thoroughly. he would take the offer; he couldn’t not take it. tony was being genuine. “and i’ll take care of may’s medical bills of course.”

peter didn’t talk right away. “they gave her two months after surgery. she had it a month ago.”

“i’m so sorry peter.”

peter looked to the side. “what i’m meaning to say is if i move in, i might not be able to move back out unless it’s into foster care or an orphanage.”

“i’m not letting you be taken into that system,” tony said with a firm voice to assert dominance and to show peter he was being serious. “i’ll get my lawyer to set up an adoption in case she doesn’t… you know,” tony said more softly. 

peter gave him a weak smile. “you wouldn’t want to adopt me, mr. stark.” this kid was made of stone, tony was sure about that. his voice didn’t even wobble, his eyes were normal, his hands not shaky anymore. 

“it’s not like i have to change your diapers or anything,” tony said with an amused tone and stood up to walk around the table.

peter gave him a smile once the billionaire stood in front of him. “at least i hope i don’t?” tony asked which made peter chuckle. 

“no diapers, i promise.” 

tony didn’t let peter go back home that night. he felt unnaturally protective of the boy. or actually very naturally, if he thought about it. 

he made sure may got the best treatment in the city, and his empathy grew every time may looked worse when he came to pick peter up from visiting hours. 

peter lived life so normally, no one would guess he was about to lose the last piece of family he had left. he even had a normal sleep pattern, something tony could only write off of. 

the avengers treated peter with satin gloves, all of them too afraid to say something wrong that might upset the kid. but now that tony thought about it, he had never experienced peter upset. 

peter handled life so calmly, with so much thought behind every action and every word he said. next to steve, peter was undoubtedly the wisest stark tower inhabitant. 

the teenager adjusted to the tower climate quickly; he loved seeing the avengers every day and he built budding relationships with each one.

with tony especially, for the kid had moved into the billionaire’s personal floor. tony liked the fact that peter’s stuff was lying all over, that it looked like someone was actually living at the apartment now. 

what tony also realised was how much easier it was for him to call it quits on his work at night because he didn’t want peter to eat alone, and the boy cooked for tony every night without fail. 

may was holding up, she passed the two month mark after the surgery while her health declined. she looked worse and worse and although peter never cried, tony knew he was suffering.


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another interlude because I didn't feel like making anyone else cry for a bit lolz.

tony suggested a beach house vacation some time into peter’s summer break and the kid was ecstatic about it. he’d never actually been to a tropical beach, merely to ones just outside the city. 

and he thought it even cooler that he got to go with tony, and only tony. tony was taking a week out of his schedule to take peter on a vacation. it was clear that the billionaire was pitying peter but peter couldn’t care less from what motive it was. the only thing he hoped for was that may would be fine when he came back. or as fine as she could be. 

happy dropped the pair off at their private jet and peter was overly excited, because it was tony who would be flying the thing down to the bahamas. his parents had bought a house there before their passing, and some employee at si had been making sure it was taken care of and rented out all year round. 

tony even let peter pilot the plane while they were in cruise mode. 

the pair arrived on the bahamas after a three hour flight and received the lamborghini tony had reserved right in front of the plane. 

speeding through the hills of the little island they were on took so much weight off peter’s shoulder he thought he knew what it was like to be manic. 

the stark mansion was beautiful; it was situated right at the water front, right by the beach and more luxurious than peter could even dream of. 

tony introduced peter to a life the teenager had truly not known before. they bought him expensive yacht clothing in order to look presentable at the restaurants they were going to and tony knew almost every yachter that docked onto the port. 

peter loved to feel like some sort of rich kid on a vacation. no worries about the next bill, nothing. he was sure flash must feel the same way every summer. 

“how are you holding up kid?” tony asked over dinner on one of their last nights on the island.   
peter would’ve like to tell tony that he was obviously good considering where he’d been these past few days, but the kid knew tony was talking about his aunt. 

“i’m scared,” peter admitted quietly, almost inaudibly. “i know i don’t show it much because i seem so happy all the time but i feel like i’ve been having a panic attack for the past four months.”

tony swallowed hard. there it was. they shouldn’t have waited for peter to come to them. he was asked and he was being honest, simple as that.

“do you think talking to a therapist might help?” tony suggested. he hated being in this none personal base, but peter wasn’t showing emotion so he couldn’t comfort him for that, and tony in no way wanted to talk things good around peter because they weren’t good. 

peter shrugged his shoulders. it was astonishing to see the kid go through his anxiety that way, dealing so well but so bad in a sense. tony knew he was a mess while he lived like that, but that was probably also from all the drinking and lack of sleep and the amount of work he had to master. “i’m not really comfortable talking about things with a stranger.”

tony took a deep breath. okay here goes, he’d tell peter about his past. and he was also touched that peter considered him close enough to trust him with this. “okay peter look. i used to be a lot like you. like a whole lot,” tony started and peter put down his fork. this would be interesting. 

“back when i joined the avengers, you might remember that i guided a nuke into space.”  
peter nodded in response, couldn’t wait for tony to go on. 

“you may also know that i built the suit in a cave in afghanistan where they kept me hostage to build weapons.” tony took a sip from his water, taking things slowly while explaining. “well, the time after that was extremely exhausting for me. i had so many panic attacks i couldn’t keep count and i suffered from nightmares every single night.”

the teenager waited for tony to go on; he didn’t want to comment on this before he knew the whole story. 

“i started seeing a counsellor and found out that i was suffering from ptsd. now i know the signs of when things get bad and how to deal with them, know that i can talk to steve or bruce whenever i need to.” 

then tony was quiet for a while. “i’ve been talking to clint every now and then,” peter mentioned, then realized he was pretty good at shutting the archer out as much as he could. 

tony spotted the look of realization on his protegee’s face. “but?”

“it’s probably not enough,” peter said as his face fell. “i just think it seems too easy to talk when i’m unable to talk about spider-man.” 

“well, steve has got a counselling diploma,” tony started but was cut off by peter right away.  
“too close. i don’t think i’d be able to face him after sharing everything.”

“steve is the least judgmental of all of us.” tony started. “well actually that’s you kid, they’re all loving you. but it’s up to you, i’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want to,” the billionaire concluded.

“thank you, t-“ peter still felt it weird to call tony tony. 

“if you ever need anything just tell me or steve. no judgment, we’ll just get you an appointment or sit down for a talk with you.”

“i really appreciate that, thank you guys,” peter said and meant it. 

that concluded their beach vacation on the bahamas. and peter loved getting back to the city, tan and happy and appreciative. 

who knows, maybe he’d soon be able to talk to steve and maybe even while may was still alive.


	6. chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky talks to peter about leaving an heir to the world. it hits a little too close to home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last one I've written down but I hope I'll find the inspiration to update soon!

peter and tony touched back down in new york safely and the first thing peter did was visit his aunt while tony waited outside the room. 

“you worthless piece of shit!” may screamed at peter after five minutes and just like that peter stood next to tony again and told him he was ready to leave.

“what was that about, are you okay kid?” tony was confused at how peter didn’t seem phased at all. 

“yeah. it grew into her frontal lobe which holds her personality so she’s been evil for a few weeks. wanda can control it when she’s here,” peter shrugged it off and walked ahead and outside, back to their limousine. 

upon getting home, the kid sat into the lounge out on their balcony right away. bucky joined him soon after with two cokes that peter accepted thankfully. 

“how are you holding up?” bucky asked genuinely. 

“been better,” peter said. the doctor had told him that the treatment didn’t seem too promising so far. “i’m a bit jealous of may because she gets to be gone when it’s over.” 

bucky sat down next to peter, very close as if to show the boy that he was physically there, and it did take some weight off of peter’s heart. 

“you know, steve used to say the same about the possibility of me dying when i enrolled.” bucky took a sip from his coke. “but it just means your time hasn’t come yet. and yes, losing someone sucks and this world is fucking disgusting but,” bucky chuckled. “i missed the thread, let’s just leave it at that.”

peter chuckled too. he was so numb right then, nothing could have upset him more. 

“have you got any book recommendations?” bucky asked after a while he deemed appropriate and which was why he’d actually come out there for. 

“that depends. what’s your viewpoint on heritage?” peter asked distractedly. 

“as in..?”

“as in. what will the world remember of you when you’re gone?”

bucky looked at peter like the teenager had shot him and barely missed his heart and then his face crumpled and peter saw tears glistening in the soldier’s eyes. “i-“ bucky took a deep breath and pulled at his hair.

“i’m so sorry,” peter countered. “that was insensitive of me.” but the erasure came too late because there were tear tracks down the man’s cheeks. 

“no peter, it’s not your fault i haven’t come to peace with what has happened yet.” bucky sucked in another breath as he continuously wiped his eyes but gave up at some point. “okay let’s see. i’m a murderer and a traitor, to some extent,” bucky shared and peter for once didn’t know how to react because bucky was very emotional, and it wasn’t peter he was mad at which the kid knew. 

peter sat back against the couch. “fuck hydra,” was all he could say. 

“yeah, fuck hydra,” bucky screamed. then they both laughed painfully, but bucky was still crying. 

“you know it wasn’t your fault though, right?” peter said because right then he wasn’t completely sure bucky did. 

“yeah, rationally i do. but i feel like, if i wrote an autobiography, not that anyone would read that, but if i did, the readers would be torn between calling what i did compliance and calling it evil.”

“i know what you mean. my uncle used to say if you have the possibility to prevent bad things from happening but you don’t, you’re sort of responsible for them too.”

“wise man,” bucky whispered. 

“he forgot one component though,” peter said, something he had only just then realized himself. 

“which one?”

“that we’re human. if going for it tears your soul apart then what’s the fucking point?”

“we’re rambling,” bucky said and then they both laughed. it felt like they were both drunk on pain. 

“feels good though,” peter said. “fuck hydra!” he screamed again and bucky repeated just that. 

“language,” steve said when he approached them from behind. “but yeah, fuck hydra.”   
the three shared a hearty laugh. 

steve saw the wetness on bucky’s cheeks when he walked around the couch to sit down across from them and locked eyes with his best friend. “you okay?” bucky nodded in response. 

the captain thought it a weird combination, bucky sitting with a sixteen year old while he cried openly. he’d only seen him cry a handful of times in all the times they’d shared before, and even then, bucky had been reserved about it. 

the three sat in silence for quite a while and peter and steve both thought it was bucky’s choice to decide what they’d talk about next; whether it be what he was upset about or literally anything else. 

and after a few minutes, bucky asked peter to tell him about his childhood growing up, and the three new york kids soon bonded over this and that. 

the sun set over the city while they were talking, and peter got up after a while because he was exhausted from travelling most of the day. “thank you for sharing mr. barnes, now that is some good heritage.” then peter went inside. 

steve stared into his lap, wanting to say something but not knowing what. “he’s a good kid,” he said then. 

bucky nodded eagerly in response. “sure is. we were talking about our heritage to the world and he got the best of me,” the soldier explained. 

“oh buck,” steve said; he knew bucky was bad at saving himself from these conversations.

“no steve. it was different. he wasn’t pressing or uncomfortable or judgmental. he may be a young body but he sure is an old soul.”

steve smiled in response to that. he’d just had a long conversation with tony about peter’s mental health and he figured if opening himself up would get the kid to talk about himself as well, then that’s what he’d just have to do. it was his duty as captain and as peter’s friend. simple as that.


	7. chapter 7.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter shows natasha how much an adoption can mean to the child on the receiving end.

clint’s wife laura gave birth the week after him, natasha and wanda returned from their long mission. the father of three flew out to be there on the big day, and while at first the avengers only saw the baby through face time, they got to meet Nathaniel in real life when he was just three weeks old. 

they were all pretty ecstatic to see him and also to meet most of clnit’s family. when natasha’s turn of holding the baby was over, she told the team she would grab some fresh air and quickly made her way to the elevator.

steve, who was holding the baby, gave peter a look because he too had seen natasha’s distraught look back. so peter followed his team mate up on the rooftop. 

he found her standing by the railing, her shoulders shaking likely and once he reached her, a look at her face proved she was crying softly. now that came unexpected because natasha was the one with the most toxic masculinity in the team, she felt uncomfortable even talking about crying. but then again, no one knew these things for sure and maybe natasha was just really toughened up. 

“hey,” peter said, not quite knowing whether to touch the woman to his right or wait. but natasha took that decision from him when she turned to hug peter very close and buried her face in his sweatshirt, so the teenager just went along with it. 

they stood like that for a few minutes while natasha quietly calmed herself down, and once she loosened her grip around his stomach, peter handed her a tissue she gladly accepted. 

“babies are pretty amazing,” peter said with a light heart. 

“yes I know,” natasha started. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother.”

“are you and dr. banner…” peter said and drifted off, not going into detail. 

so natasha told peter what she had told her boyfriend. “in the red room where I was trained, where I was raised, they had a graduation ceremony. they sterilize you. it’s efficient. one less thing to worry about. the one thing that might matter more than a mission.”

peter was quiet for a bit. “there’s other ways,” he started. “it might not be the same but dear god do you know how thankful a kid would be to be removed from the foster system.”

“is your aunt like a mother to you?”

peter shrugged his shoulders. “she was only twenty one when I came to live with her. she was more like a very big sister. but you’d never believe how much of a mother someone can be who doesn’t even physically have those hormones.”

more tears from natasha. “how would I know an amazing kid like you from an average one?” she said with a smile in her tone. 

“I think you’d raise it that way,” peter said and didn’t respond to the compliment, he knew she knew he appreciated it. “especially you.”

natasha and peter came back down a few minutes later and the woman sat down on bruce’s lap for lack of space on the couch. 

and as soon as peter sat down, clint came over to him and gave him Nathaniel to hold. peter gladly did, and that was the closest to tears any of the avengers ever got to see him.

the baby fell asleep in peter’s arms who adored his face for over an hour before handing him to laura to put him back in the bassinet. 

“thanks kid,” bruce said when everyone had left the common room area for the dining room.   
“what for?” peter asked honestly. 

“well, it’s been hard on natasha to accept how things are especially now. not that I’d be able to-“ and then bruce stopped because he too had tears in his eyes. but he wasn’t angry so the hulk didn’t show through and then the doctor wiped his face continuously while continuing. 

“we’ve both dreamt of a family and we never knew the adopted kid’s perspective. we weren’t sure whether life with us would be better than that in the system but you showed her that it was so… we’re gonna apply for adoption,” bruce said and got up, peter following suit. 

and then the doctor hugged the kid that might have just given his future a drastic turn. peter enjoyed the hug a lot. he hadn’t known how healing and relieving physical touch and comfort could be. 

the entire team and all of clint’s family enjoyed a feisty pizza dinner during which peter finally realized he would be fine even if may left the earth. 

he had received a big family through that spider bite that he never thought he would and he realized that telling may she wouldn’t have to worry would probably set her free. 

so yeah, peter’s heart was in agonizing pain while at the same time he was super happy, and it confused him profoundly. but here he had a dozen of adults to talk to about these things, and he decided to ask wanda to come with him soon so he could tell may while she was in a normal mood. 

he realized he’d soon have to start grieving, but for now he just enjoyed having a big family for the first time in his life. 

and he laughed so hard and engaged so much that night that no one would be able to tell he was about to lose the most important adult in his life. 

tony and steve exchanged glances over the table. steve’s intervention or whatever they should call it would soon have to take place because for now it seemed like peter was just in denial.

it was nevertheless a beautiful view, seeing peter so uncontrollably happy for the first time in months and for once in their lives, all of the avengers thought well of the future. 

the night ended in the total abundance of happiness and the complete absence of fear of the future.


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter and steve spend a night talking on the roof and establishing a beautiful bond of trust.

“you’re up late,” peter told steve when he stepped out on the rooftop terrace and saw the captain sprawled out on one of the couches with a hoodie on.

steve looked up and wiped his face with the back of his hand, which was when peter saw that his cheeks were glistening in the faint shine of the table light. a bottle of unopened Asgardian liquor stood on the table too. “are you okay?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” steve countered. “why are you up?”

“I think I’m in love,” peter said and blushed lightly. “now you,” he demanded. 

“well I,” steve started and then sat up. “I miss the 40s. I’m homesick,” the captain admitted and then wiped his face again. 

peter sat down next to his team captain and let that sink in. “there’s not a lot to do about that,” the boy realized and steve chuckled. 

“you must hate unsolvable problems as much as I do.”

peter nodded in response. like his crush. 

“well, as a matter of fact,” steve countered. “drinking some of this stuff helps. reminds me of the last time I was drunk which happened in the 40s.”

peter grabbed the bottle and opened the lid when a roar came out of it.

“some sort of wolf’s brew.” peter smelled at the bottle and gagged. “smells disgusting but does the job for super metabolisms.”

“I might get back to you for that in five years,” peter said with a chuckle. he felt bad for being unable to offer much comfort to steve. 

“distraction helps too. so tell me about your love?” 

“her name’s mj and well, she’s amazing,” peter said. he truly hadn’t expected to be able to feel this way while things were so bad with may, but maybe that’s exactly why he did. “she’s so cool, doesn’t care about all those gender rules or what other people think and god is she beautiful.”

“sounds like some catch,” steve said. steve hesitated a little before he continued to speak. “now I know you are a really respectful person peter. and you know that when she says no, it means no.”

“of course. I’m way too shy to initiate anything anyway,” peter said with a blush but he was smiling. 

“okay. that’s why it’s important for you to know you can say no too,” steve clarified. “I was raised in a world where men used women as objects and that wasn’t pretty. they’ve taught women to say no and punch back in the meantime, but they don’t teach men that. so, if you’re feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable, we’re all only a phone call or text message away.” physical strength was good, but it wasn’t all that helped in situations like those. 

peter hadn’t thought about that, and he’d also not thought it as a problem until then. “thanks, steve.”

they sat in silence for a bit. “I’m going to tell may I’ll be fine next week.” peter said into the trusting atmosphere. “I think she’s holding on for me but she’s in so much pain, I can tell.”

steve looked over at peter with sympathy. finally the kid was opening up and he was ready for whatever reaction he’d have to face. 

“I think she won’t live much longer once I’ve told her.” and through the dim light, steve saw peter’s eyes fill with tears for the first time ever. “it’s so unfair.” 

“I know,” steve said and then peter leaned into his side. 

“do you know how many times the doctor sent her home with a migraine pill?” peter’s voice was angry now, all sort of sadness gone, no tears spilled. 

steve shook is head as he lay an arm around the boy’s shoulder. 

“five times. five fucking times!”

steve made big eyes but he couldn’t do much more than just rub peter’s shoulders. 

“he’s a murderer. he fucking killed her.” 

“you’re right. it’s not fair,” steve said for lack of anything better to say. he couldn’t do much more than listen. 

“but what’s my suffering compared to you guys’ anyways? I wasn’t tortured to become an assassin. I didn’t wake up seventy years later with everyone I loved gone. I wasn’t forced to kill over a hundred people. If I wanted to I could kill myself and not have a monster spit the bullet right out.”

“okay that’s enough peter. you know that’s not true.”

“yeah yeah I know,” the boy mumbled. he did know. he knew suffering wasn’t countable and that some people were just equipped to withstand more before pulling themselves out of public life. “I wasn’t serious about killing myself,” he clarified. he didn’t want them to worry he might do it when it had been just a way to show how much suffering bruce was going through. 

“I’m glad,” steve said. “you know, I thought about it when I woke up here in 2012. but something felt wrong. like I’d arrived here for a purpose.” he took a short break. “like I was worthy of something I don’t know yet.”

peter was glad steve wasn’t one of those ‘be glad you don’t have it worse’ kind of people when it came to offering comfort. “who knows, maybe you can lift mjölnir,” peter said with a laugh.  
“maybe,” steve chuckled. 

the two then talked about arbitrary things, things to distract them from the world they lived in, from what was to come. and peter explained technical advances to steve that tony was too impatient to teach. 

and steve told peter what it was like fighting in WWII, for the kid had always wanted to know but been too shy to ask either steve or bucky, thinking it would bring back too many bad memories. 

and so the two fell asleep, peter’s head on steve’s chest and both of them warm enough in their sweats. neither of them witnessed the sunrise that morning for they were both fast asleep. and peter’s trust in steve was immense now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha see what I did there with mjölnir :D


	9. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is dealing with telling may that he would be fine in the future.

peter took the day after he slept up on the roof very slowly, and he asked wanda for another favor upon seeing her in the afternoon. 

the two would go visit aunt may the next day, where peter would tell her that he would be fine, and she didn’t have to stick through for him. 

peter was nervous for most of the day after that. I mean, who wouldn’t be? he’d been in constant touch with may’s primary doctor and the oncologist had too thought it would be good to tell may the next day for she was going through a particularly bad spell right then. 

“hey guys,” peter said tiredly when he sat down between steve and bucky on the couch in the common room. the two had both been reading a book, but they each put it away when they saw who’d sat down. 

“before you ask,” the teenager added, “I’m holding up fine.” except that wasn’t the truth, and peter was honestly about to get himself into a panic attack. “I’m gonna tell her tomorrow.”

peter tried to suck in a deep breath but only managed half way. oh no. now if he handled this right, he’d be able to avoid going into panic, he just couldn’t – nevermind, he was thinking of the future now.

and there it was, his heart rate in the 160s. peter looked at his hands. shaking, of course. 

“peter?” steve asked and placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. 

“I uh,” peter heaved. “I can’t breathe.”

“you’re starting a panic attack,” steve said calmly. “come on, breathe with me.”

and the boy tried, he really did, but his breath hitched every time. 

then steve remembered what thor had told him; peter used to put his head on his uncle ben’s chest when he was upset. he looked over at bucky who just kind of sat there and watched, he couldn’t really do much more. 

“okay,” the man said then. “get up,” he commanded and lay his head in bucky’s lap. 

peter looked at the scene in front of him, touching his hammering chest. then steve padded his chest invitingly, leaving peter as much freedom as the boy needed: whether he wanted to lay down next to him and just place his ear to steve’s chest or whether he wanted to go full cuddle mode. “you don’t have to,” steve said at the same time. 

but peter took the offer right away, he appreciated it a lot he also knew it was the only thing that could calm him down right then. the short boy lay down on top of steve, an ear on steve’s chest, one leg between the mans’ and the other at their side. 

steve could feel the vibration of peter’s heart against his stomach and he put his arms around the boy, rubbing his back while bucky got to ruffling peter’s curls. 

natasha walked in on the scene quietly, and as peter had his eyes closed he couldn’t see her. bucky signed too the woman in asl that peter was having a panic attack and natasha couldn’t help but snap a picture before leaving the three alone again. 

it seemed weird how peter, a boy who didn’t seem sensitive at all could put so much trust in steve, not to mention be so open to physical touch. thinking about it for too long just hurt steve’s heart, because he came to realize that peter must’ve been extremely touch starved ever since may had been hospitalized. 

“thank you guys,” peter said after a while, signalling that his panic was over. he stayed firmly put, felt so safe in steve’s arms he didn’t want to leave. after a few minutes, the boy got up and said he’d make some popcorn so they could watch a movie together. 

“he’s a special kid,” bucky said and played with steve’s hair now that peter was gone. “great.”

“sure is,” steve said with a small smile. 

and they didn’t say a word about what had happened, about how close the three had gotten because it had just felt right and because peter had slept on steve’s chest before. and if the boy couldn’t cry, he could at least gain some psychological from the physical touch. 

wanda came to pick peter up in his room the next day. the two walked to the hospital in order to have some time to decide how to tell may best, and when wanda would have to step in. 

“peter,” may said lovingly and the boy was right beside her while wanda waited outside. may seemed very normal, her personality like before. 

“may,” peter kissed his aunt’s temple and lay down next to her thin frame. he hadn’t brought a gift, it hadn’t seemed appropriate. he’d visited her last two days before when she’d been quite mean with him, but he’d learned to forgive her in those times. “I’ve got something I want to tell you.”

peter sat up in the bed, looking his aunt in the eyes. and his filled with tears, because there was no other emotion than sadness that he could attribute the feelings to that he was feeling. “I know you’ve been worrying about my future,” the boy started and his heart was beating rapidly. “and I just wanted to tell you that, whatever happens, I will be fine. the whole team has been taking care of me and they will, no matter how the future looks.”

may lifted her arm, which peter could see put her in a lot of pain, and she touched her nephew’s cheek, wiping away the one stray tear that had fallen from his eye. and that’s how she knew he was serious, because she knew the boy hadn’t cried in almost eight years. 

and may reached around the boys neck and pulled him back down against her chest. 

peter fell asleep like that while may enjoyed her nephew’s presence, knowing he would be fine. her boy would be fine. bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next one! it took me a while to decide that the cuddling was appropriate. I mean it's peter and he's emotionally mature and he knows what's good for him.


	10. chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter finally lets a few tears fall once he's told may he would be fine.

once peter said goodbye to may, who had gotten quite tired, the boy went to talk to her doctor, who told him he gave her a week at most. 

wanda had been waiting patiently, and upon hearing the news, she held peter for quite a while. the boy however didn’t cry; he hardened his features and decided that he was happy may wouldn’t have to suffer much more. 

the two teenagers took another long walk in the park while having some ice cream which helped peter with his emotions. he felt like crying, but something held him back. he couldn’t put his finger to it. 

he certainly didn’t mind crying in front of people, right? that would be ridiculous, since he was the least scared of tears anyone could be. 

peter got home with his heart lighter but still heavy, and all he could think of was getting a hug. “Friday, where’s steve?”

the a.i. informed peter that steve and bucky were out on a walk. “thanks. how about tony?”

“master stark is in his workshop. in fact, he has asked when you’d be back, he would like to show you something.”

so yeah, peter went down to the workshop and found tony working on a blaster. the man looked up when he heard the teenager enter. “how are you?” he tossed the screwdriver aside and approached peter, who walked right into his arms and held his ear against his chest. 

“I’m okay, I told may I would be fine today,” peter mumbled, eyes full of unshed tears. 

tony kissed the top of peter’s head and then rested his chin on it, continuously playing with the curls in peter’s neck. 

and then a few tears fell from peter’s eyes. the teenager stayed in tony’s embrace for a few more seconds before he backed away. tony’s stomach churned when he saw his protegees face, emotion written all over it. “Friday said there was something you wanted to show me,” peter said, voice back to normal. then he used the sleeves of his sweater to wipe his face. 

“yeah,” tony said softly. “come here.” then he took peter’s arm and led him over to a couch, in front of which he’d set up his father’s old video player and a white screen. “I found some of my old man’s old tapes and I was sure you’d want to watch them too,” tony explained as he sat down next to peter, putting his arm around the boy’s shoulder. 

peter’s heart softened, and he felt really warm in his chest because for one, tony was being physically affectionate like a father, and the fact that he was showing him old recordings of howard stark made him feel like an heir to their genius. 

the teenager leaned into tony’s side, and finally the billionaire felt like he would be able to manage peter’s future too.

they dug through a lot of the material of howard talking about his ideas and aspirations and tony felt himself sadden at the thought of his dad. no matter their differences, he still missed having his father around, even if it was just to complain about him. 

he recalled his nights of mourning during his last year at mit, and suddenly his eyes were burning. as if he’d felt it, peter leaned in even closer, pressing his cheek against tony’s chest. 

“what is and will always be my greatest creation is you, tony.” and that was what it took for tony’s tears to fall. 

peter looked up at his soon to be guardian. “he’s right.”

tony smiled a sad smile. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“well. I’m glad you exist.” and that’s all tony needed. peter turned back around while tony cried silently and it felt so right. 

peter fell asleep against tony’s chest for he was still beyond tired and he felt so safe that he couldn’t think of a better place to sleep except for maybe in steve’s presence. 

tony too enjoyed the boy’s physical presence, and he got to deal with his emotions about what he’d seen just fine. 

the billionaire let peter sleep for three hours while he thought about the things to be done if aunt may really passed which likely wouldn’t be long. they would sure have to redo and personalize peter’s room a little. they’d have to adjust everything, from insurance to emergency contacts to heritage. the storage in which they put may’s things would have to be dug through and he would sure send peter to therapy. 

not that he didn’t enjoy being one of peter’s trusted adults, but the boy deserved the best possible help. 

peter woke up when the sun was already going down outside and steve had just entered the workshop to ask the two if they wanted to have some dinner. 

the three ate dinner together, and they tried to talk most random topics so the conversation could be kept light. 

so peter got a chance to tell his adults about his upcoming date with mj but that he thought of calling it off because he wouldn’t be able to focus for sure, and he didn’t want the girl confronted with what he was going through. 

so, after steve’s talk a few days before, tony made sure he got his values across as well. from safe sex to listening to respect. and then he handed peter a hundred dollars in case he decided to go on the date.

tony, steve and their protegee peter ended up on the rooftop that night, each on their own couch with a sleeping bag and snacks. 

peter would never say it out loud, but these past few weeks, the two men he lay up there with had become like fathers to him. and he knew they probably felt similar, so he enjoyed their unspoken affection towards each other. 

he felt bad for being glad things would soon be over, but it was too painful to live in so much uncertainty.


End file.
